From Rescuer to Supporter: The Path to Sustainable Change

The Drama Triangle, developed by Stephen Karpman, describes three roles we often adopt in conflict: the Rescuer, the Victim, and the Persecutor. The Rescuer role can seem appealing — we want to help others and do something good. In reality, however, this role often keeps the other person dependent and prevents them from discovering their own strength.

Why is it so tempting to step into the Rescuer role? It gives us a sense of value, helps us feel good about ourselves, and often brings recognition from others. But when we stay in this role too long, we take over the other person’s responsibility and, in doing so, prevent them from truly helping themselves.

The problem is that the Drama Triangle creates a vicious cycle. The Rescuer feels compelled to keep helping, which makes the other person dependent, while the Persecutor (the one who is seen as “to blame”) reinforces the Rescuer in that role. As a result, we remain stuck in unhealthy patterns that do not contribute to genuine change.

How can you truly support the other person? Instead of stepping in immediately to help, you can create space for self-reflection. Ask questions such as, “What would you like to see happen?” or “How can I support you in this?” This gives the other person the opportunity to take ownership and make their own choices. By showing compassion without taking over the problem, you empower them to continue growing on their own.

Rather than repeating the pattern of the Drama Triangle, you can support the other person by encouraging them to come up with their own solutions and discover their own strength. The goal is not to rescue, but to support them in their own process of change.

By letting go of the Rescuer role, you give the other person space to grow and bring out the best in themselves. This not only leads to sustainable change, but also to healthier and more effective collaboration.

Sources:

Karpman, S. (1968). "Fairy tales and transactional analysis." Transactional Analysis Bulletin.

Daniels, A. (2000). Bringing Out the Best in People: How to Apply the Astonishing Power of Positive Reinforcement. McGraw-Hill.

Moerkerken, S. (2020). Conflict Eren.

Gergen, K. J., McNamee, S., & Barrett, F. J. (2001). Toward transformative dialogue. International Journal of Public Administration.